Day 27

Went to Mantra Tattoo today to see if they could replicate a necklace I was wearing: two baby angels (Anthony & Angela) reaching toward the heavens both lifting up a pink gemstone in honor of you, Alexandra.  In the empty space between the angels I want to put the letter `A` for all three.

It's very difficult to watch a video of you in it.  You and Daniel were in the hallway of my house and while Daniel was playing his Guitar Jamz you were dancing and singing!!  The most difficult part was hearing your little high-pitched voice singing...oh how you loved to sing and dance!!

Day 26

Today, the first day of a new year and it doesn't feel any different than the last 25.

Your dad is so sad; the realization of your passing is finally becoming real to him.

I've decided to get a tattoo in your memory, just don't know yet of what. It has to be just perfect!

Waiting to Understand

It's been 25 days since our Sweet Alexandra became an angel.  Five year-olds should not become angels.

I'm still trying to figure out what makes each day worthwhile enough to get out of bed.  I've experienced these feelings 26 a

nd 27 years ago, but I lived through it...th.en.  Now I have to watch the same pain on my daughter's face after burying her daughter, my granddaughter.

I know this is a year of firsts....already made it through my first birthday without my baby girl...first Christmas...first New Year's Eve and as I sit here thinking about the first New Year without her, I hate it.  I don't remember how I survived 2 year's worth of 'firsts' back to back, so long ago, all I know right now is I don't want to do it again.  

Goodnight Alexandra, Grandma will write again tomorrow and remember, you'll ALWAYS be Grandma's Baby Girl.  Muah